


Just say yes

by Lvl34Potato



Series: Cleansing, Confession, Collapse. [1]
Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Breathplay, Character Death Fix, Choking, Drowning, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Jacob will be here later, John should be a phone sex operator with that voice, Mutual Masturbation, Non-Consensual Kissing, Non-Consensual Tattooing, Oh God Yes, Sibling Rivalry, Smut, Tags May Change, alot of these tags are for later, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-05-19 16:52:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14877654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lvl34Potato/pseuds/Lvl34Potato
Summary: A deputy with unsteady convictions finds herself stuck between a rock and a hard place as she flits between the torturous grasp of the youngest Seed sibling and the conditioning of the eldest.





	1. Its a sin

**Author's Note:**

> It was difficult to find a moment to herself while fighting a war that she didn't ask to be a part of. And when that war has her fighting day in and day out, sometimes all she wanted to do was stare up at the stars.

It was surprisingly calm out that night, after liberating the railyard outpost for the resistance. The deputy had managed to take down everyone in the base without raising a single alarm, a fact which the new occupants seemed to take great pride in, as though the achievement had been theirs. In a way, it had been. She wouldn't have been out here taking over the outposts in the first place had they not guilted her into action. Her brow furrowed as she thought about the day that she had woken up in Dutch's bunker, tied to a chair and confused. Nothing had made sense, except that he had saved her and that the Seed family had her friends.

After rummaging through all of the containers kept in and around the base for some ammo she had uncovered a box full of radios. The rubber still held the familiar chemical smell of clamshell packaging. With a smile, she took one off of the top of the pile, using the clip on the back of the unit to slip it onto her belt alongside the outdated one that Dutch had gifted to her when he set her out into Hope county. The old radio had served its purpose well enough, but the quality of the signal left much to be desired. The dial had been stuck on the same three frequencies since she had taken a tumble down the side of a steep cliff about three days out. She had taken the thing apart multiple times, hoping that there had just been a small pebble stuck under the dial but nothing seemed to fix it. With a chuckle, she would look up to the sky and thank John for his wealth. She knew it had to be him purchasing all of these materials for Edens Gate and while it made them difficult to fight, she was happy to lift supplies off of them whenever she had the chance.

"Hey Dep, we found a few barrels, pretty sure they're full of whiskey instead of that bliss shit. You want to do the honors?" A resistance soldier called out to her from across the base, holding up a mug that looked out of place in the dusty countryside of Montana. With a shake of her head, she waved the soldier away, telling her that the booze was all for them. With a shrug, the soldier left, back to a group at the front of the base near where another soldier had set up shop. A bark by her side reminded her that her new companion had been sitting beside her waiting for pets or treats after his help in spotting all of the peggies in the outpost.

"Good boy. How could I do anything without you by my side?" She cooed at the dog, ruffling up his mottled gray fur before flinching at the sound of loud yelling. Her favored rifle raised up quickly as she dropped down to a crouch. Eyes scanning the area around her, worried that the peggies might have sent someone out to call for help once they realized that their alarms had been shot. The sound of laughter following the yelling had told her all that she needed to know, the resistance soldiers had broken into the booze and had started drinking it up.

"Fucking drunks.." She mutters with a shake of her head as she lowered her rifle and slipped it into the holster she had strapped to her back, swapping it out for the familiar weight of her silenced 1911 before she set out for the edges of the outpost. Being around drunk people had never really been her thing, becoming a cop had only taught her to hate it more, having been called out on reports of public intoxication more times than she cared to admit.

Easily slipping into the bushes and quickly disappearing into the treeline the deputy made her way out to a clearing that she had found on her way to the outpost. She knew that it would be far enough away from the lights of the outpost to stargaze for a while until everything calmed down and the soldiers had passed out in a drunken stupor.

The night was cold, far colder than she had given it credit for before leaving the resistance members to their celebration. In the back of her mind, she sent a silent thanks up to God for having her remember to purchase a hoody while in falls end. The long-sleeved shirt she normally wore simply wouldn't cut it for long out here and she wasn't keen on the idea of having to make the trek back to the outpost early, heart set on being able to actually take some time for herself for once and just relax.

The darkness set in, treetops blocking what little moonlight would have filtered through had they not been there. Thankfully she was accustomed to the dark, moving slowly, so she didn't accidentally step on Boomer's tail as she trudged forward.  
Once in the clearing, she finds a nice soft patch of grass and plops her pack down onto the ground, raising her arms above her head and getting in a good stretch. Bones pop, and a happy sigh falls from her lips as she relishes the feeling of relief, her spine finally seeming to settle into place. She sits down beside her bag, noting the chill of the ground beneath her and shrugging it off. It would warm up soon enough, she thought to herself as she moved to lay back, one arm wrapping back around her head as she used it to support herself, gaze drifting to the stars above.

A while later she slipped the silence was becoming more of an annoyance than anything else, distracting her as her mind had nothing to distract itself. Thinking about what to do she finally remembers the radio at her side. With a quick tug, she pulls the clip from her belt and brings up the radio, looking it over as she tried to learn the setup of the much newer model. To her surprise, she finds that it has at least 22 channels for her to check. She tunes it to Dutch's channel and listens for a moment, to be sure that he wasn't using the frequency already. Hearing nothing but the nearly silent static she decides to give the radio it's first test run, flipping the switch at the top of the unit to activate her mic and hearing it crackle to life.

"Dutch, this is Rook. You there? Over." She called out, waiting for a moment to see if he would bother to reply, it was rather late after all and he could have been asleep by now. A bottle of beer or two at his side no doubt. She presses the palm of her hand up against her forehead for a moment before dropping it back down, quickly flipping the mic back off as she waited. A few minutes and no replies later she pipes up again, "Okay, well I'm gonna switch off of this frequency then. I'll radio again tomorrow, get the code from you. Over." It made her feel beyond stupid that she was talking to no one, just speaking into the end of a device that might not even work for all she knows. She gives it another ten minutes or so before she actually switches off of the frequency, choosing to scan the other channels for any active chatter.

An hour later and nothing but static had greeted her on nearly every other channel, a few were occupied, mostly from the people in Falls end. One, in particular, managed to catch her interest. Music. That's all it was, it was as if someone on the other end decided to leave their radio turned on while it sat next to their cars stereo. It was rather strange but she listened anyway, deciding that she could probably just sleep out here under the stars instead of making the trek back if she could listen to the music. It wouldn't be the first time she had slept out in the woods since showing up in Hope county. She was sure that Boomer would let her know if any bears or wolverines tried to sneak up on them. Taking off her pack she pushed it behind her, using it to raise her head up off of the grass as she closed her eyes and enjoyed the faint music. She would occasionally find herself humming along to the beat of the songs that had repeated themselves, and singing along with those that she had heard before.

"Oh, John! Bold and brave! He's finding us a family, he's teaching us the faith. Oh, John! Keep us safe! He's gonna march us right through Edens gate..." She stopped singing along at that line, only now realizing that she had probably tuned into a Peggie channel. She had only ever heard the cultists listening to these songs, after all, no one else was willing to subject themselves to their stations. Besides herself that is. She listened to whatever she could on the few occasions when she actually drove in a car instead of simply hiking all over the valley.

The occasional whistle that would follow along with the tune and a grating noise that sounded like tires running over gravel were the only indications that this wasn't actually just a broadcast of their stations. Unless they had chosen to drop their quality in the last few hours that is. She silently thanked her own sense of paranoia for reminding her to turn off her own mic before skimming the channels. For a brief moment, she thinks about switching the frequency, to look for something a bit less... Peggy. The thought of the silence on the other frequencies quickly killed that thought though she could enjoy the music again after this song finally ended. Or so she thought. Almost as soon as the song had ended it had started up again.

She was confused, the radio stations rarely repeat themselves. With a shake of her head, she ignores the weird feeling she gets in the pit of her stomach, choosing instead to listen to the song again and return to watching the stars. For a moment it was tolerable, even enjoyable again, as her fingers tapped against her thigh in time with the lyrics, eyes glued to the twinkling lights suspended in the inky blackness of the sky. Once the song had ended again she sighed out in relief, repetition had always managed to get songs stuck in her head and the last thing she needed was to be caught by the resistance while singing 'oh, John.' out on the trail. She was sure that she would never live that down, and she had no intentions of hearing Dutch call her out on it as soon as the news made it back to him. She smiled as the song neared it's final moments, waiting for the music to change and save her from the earworm that was already digging its way into her head.

Almost as soon as a new song had started she heard a click, and then the familiar opening all over again, wiping the smile from her face almost instantly. The whistling started back up again too, this time following along with almost the entire song. Out of sheer boredom she had tried to match it once or twice, the annoyance of the entire ordeal fading a bit as she focused on the stranger's tune. They were skilled in ways that she was not and she quickly realized that she couldn't whistle well enough to keep up with them, Opting instead to simply listen. Minutes passed and again the song had ended starting back up almost immediately.

"Do you not know any other songs or something?" She almost growls into the receiver without thinking. Hearing the sounds on the other end almost immediately stop. She had figured that whoever had been broadcasting their music hadn't expected anyone to be listening and a groan escapes her as she chastises herself for her lack of forethought. A minute of pure silence greeted her in return, and she lightly tapped herself on the forehead in exasperation, realizing that she had just cut off her only means of entertainment by being impatient. She flipped the mic switch back to off before dropping her radio beside her head. She turns over onto her side, pulling the hood of her jacket up over her ears, deciding that now was as good of a time as any to try to get some sleep since her royal fuckup had left her sans music.

"Why, if it isn't the deputy. Listening in on me now, are you? Taking my outpost not enough?" She heard the radio crackle to life behind her, a familiar voice coming through to chill her bones. John. She smacked her palm against her face as she cursed her luck. Of all of the people in this valley, she had to listen in on John fucking Seed. Of course. A moment passed with her like this before the radio chirped at her again. "What? Not going to answer me now Deputy?" She could hear the smug smile on that bastards face, and that alone spurred her on.

"I'm not the one who left his radio on while on an open channel." She bit back, honestly not even sure why she was so sour upon hearing his voice. Truth be told she hadn't actually seen him do much out here, beyond fund the cultists that is. Oh, she had heard plenty but hadn't actually SEEN any of it, and that was enough for doubt to blossom in her mind.

"I'm not the one who listened in on a man's alone time and then made fun of his choice in music." She could hear his throaty chuckle, noticing a distinct lack of background noise. The music was off, the car too if the lack of engine sound was any indication. Her best guess was that he had pulled off to the side of the road before answering her.

"I'm not the one who listened to his own song four times in a row." She replied, simple and to the point with only a little bit of a teasing tone bubbling up into her voice. She calmed down more and more as they talked, remembering that he was probably miles away and that she was in no real danger here, these radios had incredible range after all.

"Is a man not allowed to enjoy a song that someone so kindly wrote about him? Or is this just **Envy** over not having a song of your own? Do you need to confess?" His tone had shifted over into what she could only describe as a flirtatious. As he spoke she heard the sound of him adjusting himself in his seat, leather squeaking out as fabric rubbed against it. She got the mental image of him leaning up against the door to the car or truck that he was in and resting his head on a fist, a smirk on his face as he replied. Truth be told she had only seen him twice, and one of those instances was from behind a screen, she had no earthly clue how he acted beyond the words he spoke to her. Taunting her from wherever he holed up during the times that he wasn't making cheesy recruitment videos for the cult.

"Enjoying a song? Is that what you call it? If I didn't know that you were just stroking your ego I'd assume that you were stroking something else on your little joyride. Maybe you should confess because that sounds an awful lot like Pride to me." She took up a teasing flirting tone right back, coming on strong and hoping that she hadn't been wrong and mistaken his normal speech patterns as being something more. That would be beyond awkward. The deputy, sworn to kill the seed family, out here flirting with the very man who's soldiers she had just killed. It would make for a great book she thinks, conjuring up the image of his face while waiting for his reply.

"Stroking something else huh? Are you sure that you aren't feeling a bit of **Lust** there deputy? Assuming that a man like me would fall that low over a song. Tsk Tsk Tsk." His reply seemed to be laced with sarcasm, but there was the same odd tone to it that he had used before, followed by another shifting seat, the leather squealing out as he adjusted himself.

"Restless there John? Is my **Lust** getting to you? Or is that your **Lust** showing?" She joked back at him, knowing that it would accomplish nothing but loving every moment of it regardless. Maybe that did make her a sinner, maybe she should confess. Her thoughts making her chuckle, hand coming up to silence herself. She was at no risk of John hearing her, having been sure to flip the mic off after every reply, but there were animals out here and she didn't want to scare any into action. The last thing she needed was boomer going crazy over a bunch of deer bounding away from her because she couldn't contain her own laughter.

"Now Deputy. We both know that I bear my sins openly, perhaps it's time that you do the same. I could always help you with that, I think you might find confessing to me to be very beneficial to you." His voice had dropped an octave as he ended his message to her and she hadn't failed to notice that. Her mind spinning for a moment, thinking over the meaning behind that offer. A flash of his hands on her thighs, pushing her legs open for him. Beard scraping against her collarbone as his mouth latched itself onto her neck. A soft gasp escaped her followed by a deep blush as she felt the beginnings of want pool in her nether regions at his words.

"Oh, it's beneficial huh? You really are showing your **Lust** now John." She chuckled quietly before continuing, "So, what exactly happens if I say yes?" She definitely wasn't prepared for the moan that made it's way back over the radio at that question or the way it made her core ache as pangs of desire coursed through her. It was silent for a moment after that, save for the sound of her nails running along the denim of her jeans, mind craving any kind of stimulation to distract herself from the way her hands wanted to slip themselves into action beneath her pants.

"Hmmm. Well if you say yes then I will cleanse you in the waters and set you upon the holy path towards atonement." He responded, his voice dropping a bit more as the message ended. This intrigued her, and she knew that it would be a bad idea to continue poking the beast but she also knew that the heat welling up in her groin was growing with every response she drew out of him. It spurred her on, fueled her fire.

"Sounds like you just really want to make me say yes John." Another moan made it's way through, it seemed as though he didn't bother muting his end at all, or he wanted her to hear him. "It also sounds like you're enjoying yourself a bit, or am I wrong?" Silence followed. And for a good long while she sat there content in the knowledge that he was likely intentionally holding his tongue. She decided to continue prodding. "What's the matter, John? All it takes is a simple answer, Yes or No." Almost immediately she heard a sharp gasp, and her mind started to piece things together. She listened intently trying to pick up any trace of what she was sure he was doing on the other end of the call and hearing nothing but his breathing.

"Now why would I answer that? Why would I confess when I offered you the option first? You know the answer I want, give it to me and I'll give you the answer that you want." His reply was breathy, voice wavering ever so slightly as he spoke. She felt a smile carve itself into her features, knowing the exact words that he wanted to hear. What harm could there actually be in saying yes to him? Especially when it would draw another delicious sound out of him.

" _Yes_." She purred into the mic, hearing his groan on the other side, deep and guttural. The sound did wonders for her, free hand finally slipping beneath the hem of her jeans, fingers splaying out over her mound as she waited patiently for him to answer her.

"Now was that so hard?" He breathed out, a noise in the background catching her attention as the rustling of fabric made its way to her. "Tell me what it is that you're seeking here Deputy. Tell me what answer you want to hear." He called out, goading her on, teasing her with every word that fell from his practiced tongue. Somewhere deep in her mind, she pulled up the memory of Dutch telling her that he had been a lawyer before all of this, and a damn good one at that if his wealth was any indication. She knew that he was trying to get around giving her a straightforward answer, knew that he was trying to manipulate her into telling him what she wanted, what she was desperately craving.

"Now now John, we both know that there's no fun in that. I want you to give me the answer you think I want, not the answer that you know I want." She replied, fingers toying with the bundle of nerves between her legs, covered only by a thin sheet of damp cotton. The sounds of more rustling fabric made their way to her, followed by a very quiet shuddering sigh. Her mind immediately brought up the image of him with his hand wrapped around heated flesh, satisfying his own beast just as she was with hers.

"It sounds like you're trying to make me admit to a sin Deputy. Normally I might turn this back on you, but since you were so kind as to give me the answer I wanted, I will give in. Yes," His voice seemed to caress the word as it made its way out of him, "I am enjoying myself, very much so. This conversation is very stimulating." His tone had dropped even lower, almost sounding gravelly. And she could hear the telltale sounds of flesh sliding against flesh coupled in with his breathing which seemed to be picking up in speed.

"So I can hear." She chuckled, not bothering to mute herself again, the action being too difficult to do one handed and her other hand was more than occupied at the moment.  
She shut her eyes and slowly crafted the image around herself. His chest rising and falling with his quickening breaths, hand wrapped tightly around his impressive length as he pumped it slowly. She imagined how he would drag his palm up over his head, the precum that had been dripping from his slit being spread across the silky tip as he let out a shuddering breath. Her hand pushed her underwear to the side, removing the final barrier from her slick core so she could dip a finger inside of herself. She moved slowly, attempting to monitor her breathing so that he couldn't hear her as well as she could hear him. As her thumb circled around her clit she stifled a moan, the feeling was pure bliss.

"And so can I. Tell me, Deputy, are you enjoying yourself as well?" John's voice seemed more and more breathless as time went on, his breathing picking up, his pace noticeably faster than it had been mere moments before. She almost cried out at his question, another finger joining the first as she pushed them deeper into her cunt, thumb retreating, being replaced by her palm which she ground down on her aching bud.

"Am I enjoying myself?" She barely managed to breathe out past her quiet moans. "Yes." His voice was louder than she had expected it to be, nearly a shout of pleasure that made her clench around her fingers and moan in need that was growing stronger with each hurried breath that made it's way back to her.

"Maybe you should come to me, confess your sins, let me wash away the lust you're feeling." His words would have been almost pure if not for the way his groaning interrupted them. Every other breath he let out was like a sharp shock of pleasure that coursed through her body, feeding into the tightening ball of nerves she felt in her gut. "Maybe you should let me help you atone Deputy. It will make you feel so much better." His voice nearly purred out her title, drawing a long needy moan from her that quickened his pace further. Her head rolled to the side as her hips rose up to meet her fingers, a third joining in now as she imagined John spearing his meat into her, feeling herself full. "What do you say, Deputy? Will you let me cleanse you?"

"Yes." It was all she could say, all he needed. With a shout he came tumbling over the edge, she could hear the wet spurt of his release followed by a deep growl beside her. Her hand stilled, eyes snapping open as she ripped her fingers from her sopping cunt and followed her companions searching eyes. His fur was rising up in a line along his back, ears laying flat against his head, lips pulled back over his teeth. Something was out there. Before she can grab her gun he's speaking again.

"I know the feelings that drive you. I know them... intimately." She rips her pistol out of its holster, wiping her hand off on the grass beneath her to free herself from the sticky pleasure that coated her digits. "But I can help you, Deputy. I can wash away these sins. I can cleanse your soul." Her eyes scanned the darkness, but she saw nothing in its depths. "It will be difficult, and it will be painful. But... it will be worth it. My people will come for you. They will bring you to me. Don't fight it, don't resist. Just say **yes**." His voice, almost breathless comes through the radio, and her hands clench tighter onto the gun she held, radio dropped at her feet. After a few minutes of silence, Boomer suddenly darted off, vicious growls echoing off of the trees around them. She thought she saw the edge of a guns barrel and her mind flew into a panic as she scooped up her pack and radio and took off in a run.

"John you little-" She began to shout out between harsh breaths but a cry of pain cut her off. Her own cry, as a bullet ripped through her hoodie and buried itself into her thigh, knocking her down onto her knees. Flecks of white scattered in her vision, and the world seemed to distort in odd ways. Like looking through a fisheye lens with blurry edges that seemed to grow and retreat over and over again. Breathing in the metallic tang of her blood, she fell to her side, facing up to the sky. Twinkling lights danced in the dark, falling away one by one until there was nothing left but black. John's chuckle made its way to her before her mind closed off to sleep.

"See you soon, Deputy." and with that, she was gone.


	2. Pabst blue ribbon on ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was fighting a war that wasn't even hers, trying to save friends that she barely knew. In so far over her head that she felt like she was drowning, and for a moment there, she was. Lost in the brilliant blues even as they held her under the water.

Fuzzy white. Clouds of cotton encompassed her, the world around her so soft, all sound muffled. No cries, no screams, nothing but comfort in its floral scent. Whispers of smoke rising in the edges of her vision like tentacles dragging her beneath the water.

Cold. Everything was cold. She felt like she was floating, barely grounded down to the planet, she felt like she could fly like she could take on the world and feel no pain. Her arms felt heavy, a frigid wetness spread across her back, her legs. Somewhere off in the distance, she could hear voices. Speaking loudly through the clouds that held her tight. A hand on her chest pushed her down, she put up no resistance even as she felt her body begin to submerge. She went under quickly, nostrils and lungs filling, clearing some of the fog from her mind as her heavy hands clawed at the person holding her under the water, trying to fight her way back up. The Peggie released his grip on her and she rose up from the water, choking up the liquid life that had invaded her chest. Heavy coughing and a torrent of pain flowed from her mouth. Choking in jagged breaths she willed her eyes to focus on the people around her.

Her eyes quickly fell on him, standing there, bible in hand looking as gorgeous as he had the first time she had seen him on the screen of an old television. The smile that rose to his lips as he looked over at her had to have been a sin in and of itself. Nothing so tempting was ever good for you. Suddenly hands were back on her, pushing her towards the water again. Panic flitted through her eyes, plain for all to see, as his hand came back to her chest to push her beneath the surface. She inhaled as deep as she could just before breaking the surface and going back under, into the river's depths.

To her surprise, this time she wasn't kept under long enough to even have needed that extra breath. The Peggie raised her back up and she became aware of his hand at her back, he had been supporting her weight the entire time. She looked back up at John as he preached more of his cult bullshittery to the onlookers who were lined up beside the river. The Peggie pushed her toward the riverbank as she tried blinking the water from her eyes in an attempt to see more than blurry colors surrounding her.

"Not this one," John called out as they approached him, closing his book and handing it off to the Peggie that had just led her from the waters. A sickeningly handsome smile spread across his face as he leaned forward slightly and tilted his head to the side. "This one's not clean."

He lunged at her, hands around her throat as he pushed her back into the waters. The air was gone from her, and she struggled for purchase on his arms, nails digging in and drawing blood as she listened to his labored breathing that reminded her of his voice beyond the radio. Ice staring into deep waters, and she was lost to him. He held her under for a moment longer before he pulled her back up, sighing in what she was sure was pleasure as she gulped air down greedily. His hands tightened against her throat just a bit more, edges of his lips perking up into a smirk as he shushed her and went to plunge her back into the water.

"Do you mock the cleansing, John?" She heard a familiar voice say, but even as he moved to the side to look at him, grip on her throat slowly loosening and allowing her to breathe again, she kept staring into his eyes.

 His eyes were the oceans that kept her head in the clouds.

"No Joseph.." John began, being cut off almost immediately. Tinted as her world was by the effects of whatever drug they had used on her she was transfixed, memorizing every detail of his face as he grimaced. The way his brows furrowed as he looked down towards the ground. The shame that passed over him even if it was fleeting, was there. She raised a hand, wanting to thread her fingers through his beard, stroke his smooth cheek. His eyes flicked over to her and the anger in them stilled her hand. Why did she want this? Why did she want him? He had drugged her! Tried to drown her! She should be seething in anger right now. So why did she feel like a little girl standing beside her first crush and wishing beyond hope that they returned the feelings? Movement drew her eyes behind him as Joseph Seed approached them.

"You have to love them, John. Do not let your sin prevent that." Joseph stopped about halfway down the embankment, hand outstretched. To her or John she was unsure, eyes moving back to the younger Seed sibling. "Bring that one to me," Joseph called out. She was marveling at the way his warm hand felt pressed up against her neck when he pushed her forward towards his older brother. Her eyes reluctantly leaving him as he moved behind her instead, hand drifting to the middle of her back rather than at her pulse. She wondered for a moment if he could feel just how fast her heart was beating, she wondered if it had always beat that fast before.

Flecks of white filled her vision, like twinkling stars that lit up her path toward the father. His arms were outstretched, welcoming. A strange feeling in her gut told her to turn tail, to run, but the hand pressing her forward kept her in her place. Josephs' hands held onto her face with a surprising gentility that she had not expected, warm and soft. She leaned into him even as her body told her to fight it, his hands chased away the cold. That couldn't be a bad thing, right? Yellow lenses obscured blue, and she stared into green tinted eyes, body unmoving but gaze tracking every tuft of white that drifted past her. Her world shook and everything seemed to distort and then pull itself back together every few seconds. She was swaying on her feet and was hardly aware of it.

"Despite all that you have done you are not beyond salvation." Josephs' words grounded her, the world shook a little less when she focused on his eyes, on his words. "You are not here by accident or by chance. You are here by the grace of God." His gaze was so intense, she instinctively tried to step back, away from him, but her back pushed right back up against John, his warmth coursing through her, the world tipping on its side. She pressed back into him a bit more, a fact that he was not unaware of. He was so warm. Joseph shook her head a bit, drawing her attention back to him. "You've been given a gift. Now it remains to be seen whether you choose to embrace it... or to cast it aside." His words seemed to echo in her mind, repeating over and over in an endless cacophony of deafening sounds that assaulted her ears even as he smiled at her.

She stepped back again as Joseph dropped his hands from her face. John's warm presence having shifted over to her side, leaving her back cold and removing her crutch. She swayed more and more, trying desperately to listen to Joseph speak, but knowing that it was a fruitless venture as her world started to fade around her. Tufts of white overtook her vision, the stars grew stronger, brighter. Sounds faded out, words filtered through cloth, through water. For a moment she felt like she was weightless, and then her head came crashing down on the mud packed banks.

 

* * *

 

Her face stung, splinters of jarring warmth dotting her cheeks as a hand came down on her. She barely heard the smack of flesh on flesh past the water splashing, past the crying. Hands gripped her shoulders tightly and shook her, she felt like she didn't have the strength to lift her head on her own. Eyes opened, seeing everything and nothing all at once. The world around her undulated, flashing specks still littering her vision. The autofocus was off, and she had no clue how to manually adjust it herself. Flashes of muted colors passed her by. Cream, brown, black, blue. Irresistible blue. Framed by black. Pale skin, freckled with brown. Mud, her brain pulled the words out of the Haze slowly, and her eyes tried harder to focus.

His chin moving was the first thing she saw clearly, blackened beard tinted with brown coating everything but his lips. Soft and pink, forming words that she couldn't hear. Over and over. Another shake, another blink. More white.

"You will confess. Every sin you've ever committed, no matter how petty. No matter how small... I will pull from you." Words wrapped around her like a vice, squeezing the breath from her lungs. His eyes were the next thing she saw, focus sharp on his face now. The rest of the world fell away until only he remained, weaving his web of words through her, tying her up and pushing her closer and closer to the edge where the current flowed fast and strong, threatening to pull her under. "Then we'll see if you're worthy of atonement." He looked so angry, so lost.

He moved then, and her gaze lost its focus again. Rough shapes outlined in powder blue light surrounded her. Callused hands grabbed her arms, wrenched her up off of the ground and carted her away. Nothing felt right, she felt dizzy, felt the walls closing in on her world that was suddenly both too big and too small at the same time. They closed in, crushing until she could no longer breathe. The air became her water, filling her lungs and sapping the life from her as she drew in ragged breaths. White replaced by darkness, unending, cold.

 

* * *

 

The ground beneath her was unsteady, shaking and jostling her around in a familiar way that was strangely out of place. A low keening sound pulled her out of her head, eyes opening and shutting almost immediately, blinded by the burning light above her. Bound hands raised up to shield her from the torturous bulb of light set in rusted metal. Metal. Not sky, or clouds, or stars. She opened her eyes again, flinching against the bright yellow glow.

"If we confess right away we'll be okay, right?" A voice beside her questioned, shaky, low and frightened. She turned to him, eyes studying his face and seeing the recognition dawn in his at who she was. The flecks of white were almost gone now, and she couldn't ignore the way she saw his heart sink as he swallowed uncomfortably. Some savior of the people she was. Caught like a mouse in a trap lusting after a slice of cheddar, despite her better judgment.

"No. You'll make it worse." Another voice called out, drawing her gaze over to the passenger on her left. Catching the sight of an armed man on her way, the dirty rags he used as clothes and the cult symbol stitched into his shirt told her that he was a Peggie. A Peggie with a very large gun, sitting in front of the only exit. She ignored the woman speaking beside her, as she examined the doors beyond their guard. A van. One of the same panel vans that she had stopped countless times on the road. She felt her mouth go dry as the reality of the situation hit her fully. She was cold beyond anything she had ever experienced, her clothes were damp, her wrists were bound together with white cable tie cuffs. She had no weapons, no radio, and she was in the back of a prisoner van headed to god only knows where.

"We're going to die..." She whispered to herself, eyes dropping down to her hands and studying the dirt caked under her fingernails as the man beside her cried out.

The vehicle shook, wheels bumping violently and skidding before suddenly her floor became a wall, and then a ceiling. She was laying on her back, coughing, and watching tiny flecks of blood fly from her split lip as she groaned out in discomfort. Metal squealed against metal, scraping followed by preaching, followed by silence. She looked behind her, to the doors that were now at her back, and raised her hands to hit against them. The Peggie behind her went for his gun, raising it to her just before the doors opened and she fell out of the van.

She heard a sickening pop of bone, followed by a gunshot as she landed on the hard ground beneath her. A man stood above her, garbed in a combat vest that stood out over the clothes of a man of the church. He carried a bible in one hand and a revolver in the other. Her eyes widened as she took him in. A bible, a real fucking bible. Not the cult of Joseph bullshit or whatever they called it but an honest to God Bible.

"...And show them no mercy." She finally heard him say, seconds before he opened the cover of his holy book and revealed it's hollowed core, dropping the weapon inside. She felt the pit of her stomach crash through the ground beneath her and she felt as though she might be safer inside of the cabin of the burning van behind her. He reached a hand out to help her up, a small smile playing on the edges of his lips. She swallowed hard, taking a moment to weigh the pros and cons of accepting his hand, ultimately deciding that it was worth it. He had just saved her. "Stay with me. Didn't go to all this trouble just to lose you now." For a moment she was horribly confused, then everything clicked. This was Pastor Jerome. The man she was supposed to go and help out in Falls End. The man she had accidentally avoided when a call came in from Dutch about a friend down at Rae-Raes pumpkin farm that required her immediate attention.

"Hello, Father." She spoke to him, her voice sounding too far away, low, raspy, and quiet. She hated to admit it but she sounded weak. She would blame that on the hands that were wrapped around her throat earlier, she would blame all of this on those hands. She watched as he grabbed a knife from his pocket, bringing it to the plastic linking her hands together and slicing through it in a single swipe. The motion pulled painfully at her skin, rough edges of the cuffs biting in just enough to cause little beads of blood to well up to the surface.

"Jerome." He called out to her as he helped the other prisoners out of the wreckage, cutting their binds as well before continuing. "Call me Jerome. Joseph has tainted the title, I won't use it while he still breathes." He turned to her, extending his hand to shake as he introduced himself for the first time. He apparently didn't know that she already knew who he was.

"Okay, sorry." She took his hand, shaking it once before pulling her hand to her arm, rubbing over her chilled skin. She looked around, trying to get a feel for the area they were in past the flickering lights that still littered her vision. It looked like they were out on a forest path that cut through some hills. Plumes of smoke rose out along the path and she could see blood smears and bodies on the edges of the treeline. She shuddered, looking back to him to see him turning away. "How did you find me?" She called out to him, being ignored in favor of a wounded soldier that leaned up against a truck.

Grumbling to herself she turned back to the van, seeing the Peggie's body and ripping the rifle from his hands before turning around and following the pastor down the path.

Gunshots echoed in the distance, causing her to stop in her tracks for a moment before she dropped down to a crouch and disappeared into the treeline. She listened for a moment, there were faint screams making their way back to her, the occasional thud and explosion too. She knew that they were fighting, and she knew that this war wasn't hers to fight, but a small part of her felt like she owed them for saving her. Fighting back against the blur that still had its claws in her mind she snuck around until she found the first of many soldiers.

She swore to herself as soon as the first shot went off, realizing that the weapon she was holding had no suppressor and that she just gave away her position to every enemy behind their firing lines. She made a mad dash to the nearest point of cover, feeling a bullet graze her leg as she slid behind a large rock formation.

"Fuck." She whispered to herself as her body came into contact with the still warm remains of a resistance fighter that had bled out behind the very rock she was using as a safe haven. She sent a silent prayer out for his soul before checking his body for any additional weapons, finding only a grenade and a pistol with 3 shots left. No ammo. She was screwed. She chanced a peek out at the enemies, another resistance fighter to her right drawing fire away from her for a moment. Three men were bunched up together, she pulled the pin on the grenade and held it for a moment before lobbing it in their direction.

" **GRENADE!** " The enemies scream echoed off of the rocks, followed by a loud explosion which made her vision blur further. She shook her head, peeking back over the rock again and using the rifle she held to shoot the legs out from beneath another cultist. A red line drew itself through the air forcing her back into cover. She moved over to the other side of the rock, watching where the line led to and using it to her advantage. Three quick pulls of the trigger and the line fell, crimson dripping over the edge of the metal walkway he stood upon.

"Fuck! Get backup here! **NOW**!" A Peggie screamed out, turning his head to the side and dropping his line of sight on her. She took the risky move and used his distraction to switch cover. Running at top speed to the edge of the concrete barricade that they stood behind. She could see the edge of a rifle laying just behind the barrier, and she took the time to look back and forth for enemy movement before reaching through the cracks where one barricade met the other. She slipped her hand through, pulling the rifle back with her. The metal of the barrel scraped against the concrete and for a moment she was sure that the enemy would know that she was there, but gunshots fired off in the opposite direction letting her know that she was in the clear.

She released the breath she hadn't even known that she had been holding and went about checking out the ammo situation in the rifle she had grabbed, smiling widely when she realized that the clip was full. She took a quick moment to steady herself, willing the fuzzy specks of white that still floated about to finally leave her once and for all before she popped up and delivered a quick gutshot to every Peggie she saw. One after another they fell to the ground, some clutching onto their stomachs, others trying to raise their guns back in retaliation only to have another bullet lodge itself into their skull as she went back for the cleanup. Say what you will about war, but if there was anything it could teach you, it would be how to aim, and that you should never assume that an enemy is down until you put a bullet in their brain.

Dropping back into cover she rechecked her ammo, deciding to rip the mag out of the rifle she was carrying before and just leave the weapon laying there on the scorched and blood-soaked ground. Jumping up, she vaulted over the barricade and ran for the cover of the building behind it, using the edge of the wall to soak the shots of another Peggie who had rounded the corner just in time to see her.

"You can't hide forever sinner!" A man screamed out as he peppered the wall she hid behind with bullets. She waited until he stopped firing and she heard the sound of a mag being ejected before she leaned out from the wall and quickly shot him in the thigh, watching him fall back with a yell of pain before another Peggie came running after her. Another round, another hole in the enemy's body. Keeping the rifle tucked up against her shoulder she moved closer, seeing no other cultists that could come after her besides the two who were still struggling on the ground. She made sure that their deaths were quick before she set about looting all of the ammo off of every corpse that now littered the dirt path.

"Come here, I have a plan." Pastor Jerome called out to her, waiting a moment in silence before realizing that she wasn't turning to answer him. He walked over to her as she was picking through the splattered intestines of one of the Peggies that had fallen to her grenade. A small noise of disgust coming from her as she grabbed a blood and tissue soaked handgun, quickly pulling the magazine from it and emptying the chamber. The Pastor gagged behind her, finally drawing her attention to him.

"Yeah? You need something?" She asked him, wiping the palms of her hands on her jacket as she set about counting her ammo, putting stray bullets back into magazines, and stuffing extras into the pockets of her hoodie.

"I... I knew it meant trouble when we couldn't reach you. I'm glad the lord pointed me in the right direction." He gagged again as she rubbed the back of her hand against her cheek and a smear of blood transferred onto her face. Taking a moment to steady himself before her eyes fell back on him he continued, "We got you back, but there's still others that need our help. Cults moving the rest of the prisoners up the road. They got Merle too." With a raise of her brow, he stopped talking.

"Who's Merle?" She asked after she finished reloading her weapons, finally stilling and giving the Pastor her full attention.

"He's a friend, resistance member. Anyway, time's wasting. Grab what you can and go save em. I'll call in some of our people, we're gonna need them if we're gonna pull this off." He finished up talking, pulling up his radio before she could even get a word out, sending an annoyed twitch to her index finger which was still wrapped around the rifle she held but thankfully off of the trigger.

"You just pulled me out of the back of an upturned truck and expect me to risk my life fighting people for someone I don't even know. Oh no sure. I owe you my life right?" She mumbled to herself as she turned away from him and made her way up the path, keeping an eye out for other cultists even while she complained. "I'd love nothing more than almost being shot again trying to save some guy named Merle. Who the fuck names their kid Merle?"

She walked up the path, fighting pockets of enemies and liberating prisoners as she went. She received plenty of thanks from them and plenty of thanks from the bodies too, her ammo pile growing, the weight of it pulling down the pockets of her jacket. She had to admit that seeing them tear up and basically praise her for saving their lives almost made this whole 'almost getting shot every few minutes' thing worth it.

A whistle on the air stopped her in her tracks, like a deer in the headlights. Looking up she tried to see where the mortar shell was going to drop, struggling past the lingering specks in her vision. A black dot falling from the sky, far too close for comfort, she dove for the cover of a small cave-like opening in the hill beside her. Moments later there was an impact, she could feel the shockwave of the first shell hit the ground but was unprepared for the scattering explosions that littered the path before her.

"Oh come on!" She screamed out as another whistle played on the air. She rushed from her hiding spot, making a mad dash for the rope bridge that connected the edges of the ravine, hoping to be out of the mortars range on the other side.

"Oh shit! Dep! Help me!" She heard a man yell at her but couldn't take the time to properly search for him before a Peggie shot at her, nicking her arm as she ran past. Turning on her heel she almost toppled over the edge of a smaller drop-off, taking a moment to ensure that her balance wouldn't have her tipping over the edge by accident before she unloaded half a clip into him and the cultist manning the mortar that she had only just realized was there. Rifle raised she scanned the area, seeing nothing beyond the dimming flecks of white. A noise caught her attention as Merle wormed his way around in the foliage" She spun, rifle aimed at him faster than should have been possible in her drugged state. A small squeak escaped the burly man on the ground before her causing her to lower her weapon and apologize before rushing to his side and cutting his binds.

"Deputy!" Pastor Jerome's voice crackled over the radio attached to Merle's hip, "We've sent in a chopper to pick you up. Just hold your ground until it gets there, more Peggies are coming your way." She dropped down, looking around for enemies first, and for the Pastor second, wondering how he knew as soon as she had freed his friend. Off on a ledge across the ravine, she could see a dark figure, waving his arm up in the air to catch her attention. She shook her head, ripping the radio off of Merle's belt.

"That's a good way to get shot, Pastor. Stay low and stay out of sight. That vest ain't gonna stop a .50 cal." She replied to him, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth in annoyance before handing the radio back to Merle. She went up to the body of one of the cultists she had just taken down, pulling a rifle from the one by the mortar, the mag was full and he had two others in a pouch attached to his belt. She chuckled, thinking that luck was finally on her side before she turned around to look at Merle, who was watching her warily. It took her a moment to realize why, but then she looked over herself. She was covered in blood, most of it obviously not her own. She raised her hand, pinching the bridge of her nose as she closed her eyes, not thinking about how that would make her situation worse, leaving bloody smears on her face wherever her fingers touched her.

"You any good with a gun there Merle?" She called out, dropping her hand and watching as he nodded. With a quick check first to ensure that the safety was on, she tossed the rifle she had just looted over to him, following it up with one of the magazines. "Keep an eye on our backs, I'm gonna see if I can't work this damn thing." She said, pointing to the mortar as she watched him search for the safety on the weapon, holding it like a trained soldier might. She smiled, his name may be stupid but he didn't seem to be. She turned to the ammunition crate beside the heavy weapon, grabbing a round and loading it before she heard a gunshot ping off of the rock beside her, followed by a yell.

"Sorry." She heard Merle say before she snapped her head over in his direction. Okay, maybe she was wrong, he was as dumb as his name sounded. Screaming off to their right drew their attention to the Peggies advancing on their position. With a sigh, she finishes stuffing the shell into the mortar, takes aim and launches it out at them. Missing horribly. Only two of the six she saw actually got hit by any of the explosions. Pulling back, she smacked her hand up against her head, cursing under her breath as she felt the sticky transfer of blood to her skin. She'd have to remember to clean that up... and probably burn her clothes.

Foregoing the mortar entirely she moved to the only cover available to her and tried to pick the men coming up through the ravine off at a distance while Merle mulled down the ones trying to run across the bridge. Bullets whizzed by her head, forcing her down with a yelp as one cut a line across her orbital bone, a flush of heat followed as crimson trickled down her face. With a loud yell, she popped back out, emptying her mag into the soldiers as the white finally faded from her vision altogether, being replaced with red. Vibrant, saturated, and spraying everywhere as each round pierced another body part.

"Choppers here Dep!" Merle yelled out at her as she continued dropping bullet after bullet into the bodies of the men she had taken down. She didn't stop, didn't turn around until her gun clicked at her. Empty. She screamed out in frustration and threw the rifle at their bodies too before turning around and running as fast as she could with the bullet hole in her leg pulling and tearing with every step. It was almost comical in how much pain it caused, being such a little thing, but beyond that, it was a leaking mess. She could tell that she was leaving a trail of blood behind her but freedom was just up on that ridge and she'd be damned if something as small as a bullet wound was going to keep her from reaching it.

Merle's hand grabbed at her jacket, lifting her up over the ridge and closer to the chopper. She shot him a thank you before haphazardly climbing into the vehicle, waiting until he got in and the rotors lifted them into the sky before leaning back against the seat and staring out at the sky. Twinkling stars looked back at her, and she faded away, the adrenaline finally leaving her system, exhaustion taking over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I figured that I should have the bliss affect her the way the game kind of mentioned that it might. Making people complacent, easy to control and the like. Hopefully, this does the scene justice. Also, I couldn't help but sneak a song lyric in there, it just fit too well into what she would be feeling at the time.


	3. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories of hands wrapped around her throat plagued her mind. The man behind those hands? He was less important, or so it seemed. What stuck with her though was the breath. That first breath she took after the waters released her. Now THAT was bliss, and she wanted to feel that again.

The deputy steadied herself as she took aim at the grazing creature before her. Venison had never been her favorite but when you have no money to your name and deer were the only things trolling the forest in the valley you live in, you start to get desperate.

Taking a deep breath as quietly as she can she makes small adjustments to her stance and waits until the animal raises its head, mouth full as it happily gorged itself on the vibrant green blades. Releasing her grip, she listened to the twang of the drawstring snapping back into place, her eyes following the arrow until it settled into place, buried deep in the animal's neck. Crimson tainted the caramel hue of its fur, spurting out of the wound and painting the tree trunks with its heat. Arterial spray. She whispered a silent prayer for its soul before creeping over to its body and digging her knife into the animal's heart to ensure that its suffering would be minimal. She had never liked taking a life, especially the life of an animal, but she had no choice. A fact which she still very much regretted, anger welling up at the thought of the man behind her current state.

Her mind counted over all of the slights against her that she would take out on John if she had the displeasure of meeting him in person again. Her wrists being rubbed raw, they had hurt for days after being freed, and no amount of bandaging could stop them from breaking open and bleeding at the first sign of physical exertion. The way her face had swollen up following the graze of a bullet on her cheek. He may not have been the one to deliver that particular injury but it would never have happened had it not been for him. Her bloodied clothes that still smelled slightly of mildew and iron even though she had washed them time and time again in the rivers since the bastardized baptism. The way her throat had hurt whenever she tried to eat or drink, dark black marring her pale flesh, the shadow of hands wrapped around her, showcasing a private moment of weakness for all to see.

A pang of want shot through her at the thought, hand shooting up to her neck where the bruises his hands left on her had almost completely faded. She should hate him, should want to stab her knife through his heart and watch the life leave his eyes, but instead, she wanted to get him into the closest bed to fuck her raw while he choked the life out of her. Night after night she had dreamt of that thought, of him sullying the waters he claimed would cleanse her and taking her there while she gasped for breath. God something was wrong with her. She shook her head, willing the thoughts of him to leave her so she could focus on her kill. The hide was mostly intact, save for the two punctures from her arrow and knife, but no shop should count only two small holes as enough damage to drop their offer. She could get a fair price for this if she could get it all off of the beast in one piece.

She set to work, peeling the skin back and cleaning out the carcass, dumping all of the organs off to the side and being careful not to perforate the stomach. The last thing she wanted was to spoil the meat she was probably going to have to eat on for the next week. With the tip of her knife, she carefully cut smaller chunks of fatty tissue off of the meat to use as bait, grabbing all that she could possibly carry and wrapping it back up in the skin. That was one of the great things about hunting, you could use the animal's skin as a portable bag which was great seeing as hers was still with John.

The lack of weight on her back was both a blessing and a curse. She had never imagined that she would find comfort in its weight bearing down on her, not after all of the sleepless nights she had where she would cry out from the unbearable ache it left in her shoulders and lower back. But a heavy bag was a well-stocked bag and without that she felt naked standing out here, nothing more than a bow and a knife to her name. Hell, she was lucky she even had the bow to work with, thankfully Dutch had given it to her when she first left his bunker months ago. He said that she might need it for stealth kills, and he was absolutely right. She had ended up using it on the first outpost that she took out before she even had a gun to call her own. She was thankful that she had the foresight to stash it somewhere for safekeeping even after she upgraded to firearms. She groaned, longing for the familiar comfort of her SA-50. She had worked so hard for that weapon too, and now it was gone. She didn't even have her radio anymore. The peggies had taken everything she had worked for.

A loud guttural growl echoed through the woods behind her, the sound bouncing off of the fir trees that surrounded her. She turned, scanning the woods around her and just barely catching the back half of a rather large creature slipping between the trees to her left. The forest around her was far too dense for her to track it with her eyes. She stood, the bag of meat in one hand, knife in the other as she tried to listen for any indication of where the animal might be. A sound to her left had her spinning around, the black steel of her combat knife raised at the ready. A sound to the right, pine needles crunching under paws. Another at her back. There was no way that this was only a single animal, the noises moved in circles around her and she swallowed down her scream as another growl snaked it's way to her ears. It was all she needed for incentive to start sprinting down the hill she had been on, intent on leaving the rest of her kill for the angry predators, hoping that they would take more interest in it than her while she made her way back to the cabin that had been her home for the last week. It was a stupid thought.

The noises they made as they chased her were all but drowned out by the furious pace of her heart which was trying to break it's way out of her chest with each passing step. The clicking of claws on half-buried rocks, the panting of her pursuers, her own heaving breaths. They all painted the air with their sounds, breaking the monotony of the silence that she had grown accustomed to during her time there. She chanced a glance behind her, immediately regretting the decision as she saw a small pack of grey wolves hunting her down, a feral gleam clear in their golden eyes. Hastily raising the bag of meat she plunged her hand down inside, ignoring the nauseating squelch and sticky feeling of the bloody contents inside as she fished out a sizeable chunk of meat, throwing it off to her right, hoping that the wolves would take the bait and give her enough time to escape. Luck was not on her side as none of the beasts broke their pursuit, staying true and on target, aiming for her. Her lungs burned, the cool mountain air stinging with every breath she drew, stinging needles attacked her exposed skin, billowing clouds of white falling from her lips as she ran. They were catching up to her, they were going to get her and there was nothing she could do.

A thought popped into her head and a look of defeat crossed her face as she realized that she would never get away, not with her catch at least. But at this point what was more important? Another day with no food or her life? She would starve happily if these creatures would just leave her be. With that thought she rips open the deer pelt, dropping pound after pound of meat in her path, and hoping against hope that they would finally deviate from course. A silent prayer went up to the heavens and she took in a deep breath, booking it as fast as she possibly could down the hills, sliding a bit as her feet met a loose patch of gravel on the slope leading to her cabin. She could see it now, small and strong, glowing with a golden light as the door opened up to accept her into its safety, promising protection from the wolves. Or at least that's what her mind told her it was doing as she recognized just how close she was to freedom. She didn't waste another moment in checking behind her to see if her idea had worked, it would surely have spelt doom for her if it hadn't, she couldn't afford to waste those precious seconds.

She rushed through the open door, slamming it roughly behind her and latching it shut before she dropped to the floor, shaking like a leaf as she tried to catch her breath. The thought of why the door had been opened in the first place when she had been so sure to shut it had never even crossed her mind. Her chest heaved as she gave in to her lungs demands for oxygen. Little flecks of light sparkled through her vision and for a moment she worried that she may have been blissed again, panic setting in for a moment before the dots dissipated. She shook her head, closing her eyes and pressing her thumbs to them for a minute as she tried to calm herself. Upon opening them she noticed the lights were back but instead of panic she watched them pop out of existence one by one as her eyes adjusted and her breathing leveled out, it was only then that she realized that they were caused by a lack of oxygen rather than a drug. A chuckle tore through her, as her heart slowed it's rapid pace, settling back into a good rhythm and no longer working to free itself from her ribcage. She had almost died, had almost been eaten by wolves, and some imaginary lights had scared her more. Some sick and twisted priorities she had huh?

A sound tore her thoughts away from her moment of self-deprecating humor, it was an odd sound, strangely familiar. She listened, hearing it repeat and thinking that it sounded almost like a radio she took a moment to think over whether or not she had overlooked a radio in the cabin. No, the place was nearly stripped bare, she had made sure of it before ever choosing to make it into her hideaway. That knowledge did little to soothe her, she was still hearing a sound that she shouldn't have been hearing, not as deep out into the woods as she was. Not without someone bringing it in with them. Her mind flashed back to the open door that she had ignored only moments before, and with a shaky hand she slowly reached down to pick up the knife that she had dropped on the floor upon making it to safety. Or rather, perceived safety. Wrapping her hand around the hilt of her knife she raised it up, crimson coated edge ready and waiting to slice into whoever had broken into her cabin while she was away.

She moved slowly, silently, stepping around the floorboards that she knew would squeak beneath her weight. Again the crackle of static filled the cabin, this time followed by a breathy sigh which set all of her nerves on end, the hair at the nape of her neck rising up. The sound was distinctly male, and for a moment she wondered if Sharky had been the one to break in, maybe all of this was simply a misunderstanding. A quick look around the Cabin and she let that thought drop out of her mind. The fireplace wasn't lit, Sharky wouldn't be able to resist lighting it up if it were him. As she made her way past the open bathroom she heard another sigh, followed by a quick clearing of a throat. There was only one room left in the cabin now, the bedroom. She cursed beneath her breath as she moved up to the door, taking in a deep breath as her hand inched towards the handle, ready to twist it and jump inside, take her intruder off guard.

With a shout she launched herself into the room, knife plunging into the air as she was met with nothing. Noone was there. She spun herself around in circles, searching for the intruder and finding nothing but a few specks of dust floating about in the air, illuminated by the sunlight filtering through the window behind her. Sunlight. That was something that shouldn't be making its way into the room. She remembered ripping the cultist's flags off of the poles back at the Gardenview packing facility and using them as curtains to block out the light so she could sleep in whenever she needed extra rest, day or night. Turning around she saw that one of the curtains had been pushed to the side just enough to let a stream of light into the room. As she walked up to the window the radio crackled to life once again, drawing her gaze to the bed on the opposite side of the room, pressed snugly up against the wall. She spun to face it, knife slashing diagonally across the empty space. Nothing, again. She relaxed a bit, lowering the knife and choosing to fully inspect the room to find the radio, only to see it as soon as she looked over the nightstand. Sitting, propped up on the lamp she rarely used, was the same type of radio that she had been talking to John seed on before he had sent his capture team after her. She looked around the room again to be sure that she was alone even though she had checked only moments before. Finally feeling safe in her isolation she slips the knife back into its sheath on her thigh before she moves over to the radio, hearing it click on again as she approached it.

"Come on Deputy, how long are you gonna be out there?" John seed's voice came through, startling her for a moment. She stood there, watching the radio carefully as if it had been broadcasting every noise she'd made since she got back into the cabin. A blush spread across her cheeks as she thought about what that must have sounded like on his end. A slamming door, some heavy breathing, laughing uncontrollably... screaming as another door burst open. Oh yeah, she probably sounded like a nutcase. She drops her head into the palm of her hand and curses beneath her breath before moving toward the nightstand.

"John?" She calls out after she takes a moment to regain her composure. When there's no immediate answer she goes to pick up the radio, flipping it to the side to check on the mic switch, thankfully seeing it toggled off. Sighing in relief she pulls the radio up and hits the switch with her thumb, the crackle of static filling the room.

"Ah, Deputy. So you're finally back. I was wondering how long you would be out." John's voice all but dripped out of the radio, his tone was full of the same teasing flirtatiousness that he had used on her before and it set her blood on fire. She shook, a flash of fear running through her that was quickly followed by anger at losing her secret hideaway.

"What do you want John?" She replied curtly, not willing to give in to the thoughts and dreams she had been having of him for the last several weeks. It was all too easy to flirt with him, that was something that she had realized in her time of isolation, introspection. He could pick her apart with a single sound, have her crying out for him. And that made her wary. No one had ever held that kind of power over her before, what a fool she was to let it be him. The enemy.

"Well, I'd like a thank you for one." His voice, smooth as silk, wrapped around her and had her feeling more and more flustered as time went on. She was well aware that this want for him was all in her head, she had no feelings for the man that went beyond lust and hatred but she so desperately wanted to give in to that sin right now, with him. She shook her head violently, moving to drop back on her bed so that she could avoid falling, standing on shaky legs since the adrenaline of being chased had fled from her system.

"A thank you? For what? Nearly drowning me? Having me shot? Oh, there are so many things I could thank you for John." She was surprised at how even her tone was, her voice didn't even catch on any of the words like she had thought it might. Instead, she just sounded cold, and angry. Which is how it should be, but not how it was. She was projecting a false front, a mask, and she was begging that he couldn't see behind it.

"Oh, now why do you seem so angry with me Deputy? I was only doing what you asked me to do." He chuckled for a moment before continuing along, his voice taking on a hint of sarcasm, " _you should come to me, confess your sins, let me wash away the lust you're feeling. What do you say, Deputy? Will you let me cleanse you?_ " He repeated his words from their conversation over the radios weeks before and she didn't need him to continue, she knew what she had said in response. "You said yes deputy, you said yes, and I did exactly what I told you I would do. I cleansed you." His voice was liquid gold, she wanted him to keep talking to her, to keep flirting with her. Yes, his voice was like a precious metal, and she was greedy.

"Nothing in that offer said that you would drown me, John." She responded, fighting hard against the urge to let her desire seep into her voice, let him know what kind of effect he had on her despite his actions. He was silent for a moment, and she was afraid that she had managed to offend him. From everything that she had heard, he took his cleansings very seriously and she was afraid to poke the beast right now, with nothing but a bloody knife and a....no. **Shit**. She hit her head against the radio as she remembered the bow, the one that was still laying on the forest floor beside the carcass of a deer whos meat she had been cheated out of by sheer bad luck. She hadn't thought to sling it over her shoulder like she normally would have, she had just sat it down, forgotten it there in her rush for safety. Fuck but could she have been any more stupid?

"I'll admit, the drowning was..." He inhaled deeply, the sound caused her core to ache with need while shaking her from her thoughts, "the drowning was more for me than for you." John finally finished, and she shivered at his admission.

"Oh really now? Pray tell." She replied, voice filled with curiosity and tinged with desire. She had just flirted with him again. Okay, **yes** , she could be more stupid. She could hear his sigh of contentment before she heard him shuffle around on the other end of the radio. A moment of wonder sparked in her gut as she tried to pick out any noises that she could place and failing spectacularly.

"How about this Deputy," She shivered as his tongue seemed to caress her title, imagining the way his perfect lips would form that stupid smile that made her clench her thighs together in want, "I already gave you back your radio, I don't need to give you my explanation. Especially when you won't even thank me for taking the time to give you back something that you stole from me in the first place." She could hear his teeth clinking against something for a moment like he was tapping a pen to them while thinking, or snapping them together. "But I'm not a selfish man so I'll tell you what. You push that pride to the side there Dep and I'll consider giving you my answer, or maybe something more." She could practically hear the sharks grin he must have been wearing as he spoke. He knew. He knew she wanted him and he wasn't afraid to use it against her with misleading comments and white lies tailored to drive her further into his grasp.

"Thank you, John." She all but whispered out, she knew she was playing into his game. She knew, but she didn't care. She wanted to hear him chuckle, or talk, or sigh. Anything to keep him on the line. But she was met with silence. Silence that stretched on for seconds, then minutes, and still she waited for him. Until the light filtering through the window had darkened she had waited patiently, only occasionally standing up and moving about the room when her legs grew restless.

After what felt like hours of silence, she had finally given up, turning her radio off and dropping it on the bed before flipping on the lamp so she could see again. With a sigh she moved over to the window, sliding the makeshift black curtains over to the side to cover up the panes of glass. She caught a glimpse of her hands as she finished her task, finally seeing the residual blood that still clung to her from the deer.

 _'Well, that needs to be cleaned for sure.'_ She thought to herself before looking down at her clothing, the right arm of her hoodie was also speckled in fresh blood, well, fresh being a relative term here. It was fresher than the blood she brought home from the cleansing anyhow. She sighed, pulling the hoodie up off of her body and throwing it into an empty laundry basket by the door before heading out into the living area. The chill was setting in fast and it was going to get worse if she didn't light a fire. She clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth and as she makes her way towards the hearth a strange thought worms it's way into her head.

 _'I bet Sharky would love to light this up...'_ She perks her head up, a secondary thought entering her mind and stopping her in her tracks. If all she was actually interested in John for was sex... Sharky could help her out, couldn't he? The man was always talking about how he would lay her down if he thought he had a chance. Up until now, she was sure that he would never get that chance but at least he was friendly, he hadn't tried drowning her anyway. She stood up, quickly moving back into the bedroom and retrieving the Radio from its spot on the bed.

"Hey, Sharky you there? Over." She called out after switching the radio over to the frequency that she had last remembered the pyromaniac using. The wait for the reply was a long one, or at least it seemed that way as she mulled over the thoughts running through her head. God, what was she doing? She shook her head, fingers tapping against her thigh as she tried to rationalize the thought in her head. It was just sex, all she was going to do was see if he wanted to come over and party. He didn't have to know her intentions until he was there... right? Shit. She turned around quickly, fingers now thrumming against her thigh, nails digging in. It was mildly painful but nothing she couldn't manage. If she did this wouldn't it be her using him? That would make her a terrible friend... she didn't even want the man. She just... She stopped, having realized that she had begun walking in circles, mimicking the thoughts that were running wild in her skull. She just wanted this lust to go away, she wanted to be able to get back on track, to hear John's voice without feeling her body start to prep itself for him. She wanted to be able to forget about him. Sharky would understand that right?

"Sharky?" She called out again after not receiving an answer despite how long she had been tearing herself apart for even thinking of, let alone entertaining, this idea.

"Hmm? That you Dep?" She heard Sharky's voice come through the radio just as she was about to give up. Her stomach dropped and she lost what little composure she had for a moment as she tried to think of what she was going to say.

"Yeah Sharky, it's me. Its been a little bit huh? Look I was wondering if-" She began, but a sudden giggle on the other end of the line made her freeze. That wasn't sharky giggling. She heard him move about, heard what she thought was a few cans bounce off of the ground. And then she heard a moan. A fucking moan. Her heart seized and she suddenly realized why he hadn't answered her right away like he normally would. She shook her head, willing the momentary disappointment away as she reminded herself that this was better, she wasn't even sure that she had wanted to use him like that. And now she didn't have to worry about it.

"Yeah Dep? Ya need something? I'm a little uh... busy at the moment." Sharky called out to her again, a slurping sound just barely audible through the static and she blushed before quickly walking out of her room after telling him that it had all been a mistake and that she'd talk to him about it later. She had dropped the radio back on her bed, grabbed the hoodie out of the hamper, and walked out, going back to the fireplace to start the fire that had sparked this entire train of thought in the first place.

 

* * *

 

A groan of frustration escaped her lips as she threw a log onto the growing fire, followed by her hoodie. Wait. Why had she done that? She had brought the jacket out there with the intention of washing it while she was in the shower, not to throw it in the fire to act as kindling. With a defeated look on her face, she watched the dark grey fabric light up. Well, there went her only source of warmth for hunting. Now she'd have to go into town and try to buy another... Or finally cave in and loot someone's home. She felt sick even thinking about it but as her hand fished around in her pocket for the little money she had she realized that she might have no choice. She pulled the crumpled notes out of the denim, laying them down and flattening them along the floor to get the wrinkles out of the paper.

"One... Two... Four... Fuck." She sighed. Four seventy-five. All the money she had in the world. Four dollars and Seventy-five fucking cents. She pushed the money off to the side of the room, a quarter pinging off of the metal leg of her coffee table before rolling back to sit flat beside her foot. She wanted to cry, she hadn't been this broke in years, had never had to go hungry because she couldn't even afford a sandwich at a gas station with the coins in her pocket. She picked up the quarter and looked it over, her fingerprints painted the surface in a deep burgundy and she had the urge to throw it into the fire too.

With another sigh she stood, the quarter still held tight between her fingers as she made her way to the bathroom. She set it down on the counter as she wrenched the shower handles onto full blast. She stripped down, pulling off her clothes and leaving them in a pile beside the door before she stepped under the spray. At least the cabin had a working water heater and a generator to run it. Not everything was bad. She calmed down as she watched the blood that had been caked on her arm run down the drain. It was oddly satisfying to see it pool up and then slowly disappear, to see the water run clear.

She had just finished washing the conditioner from her hair when she heard a knock echo through the cabin. She stilled at first, momentary panic running through her at the sound that she quickly squashed down, telling herself that it must have been Sharky at the door. He was probably showing up to be sure that she was okay, she hadn't really explained anything to him before shutting off her radio after all. She turned the knobs off, feeling the water lose it's power and heat before finally only a drip or two snuck free from the pipes. Pulling back the curtains she wrung her hair out before grabbing hold of a towel and wrapping it around herself as she stepped out of the shower, wet feet leaving a trail behind her as she made her way to the door. She wasn't afraid of Sharky seeing her nearly naked, hell she had thought of bedding him only an hour before, so this should be nothing next to those thoughts.

**Tap tap tap.**

Another knock made it's way through the door just as she reached for the handle and she tittered, ever the impatient one that Boshaw. Upon opening the door however her jaw nearly dropped, her heart jumping up into her throat and her legs freezing her in place. A devilishly handsome smile greeted her, pearly whites behind soft pink. Her mind was instantly taken back to the river's edge, to his hands wrapped around her throat, the way her lungs had burned as she sucked in the chilled air.

_"Hello, Deputy. You miss me?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to split this chapter up into two parts because it was becoming far too long for me. The next chapter is mostly done and I hope to have it out soon, but it will be mostly smut in case that's what you're waiting for. I'm not sure how well this flows without the full thing since I didn't proofread it all before deciding to split it. Hopefully it's not horrible?


	4. Flesh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Subject to an almost comically soap opera-esque scene before her the Deputy makes the jump, and only slightly regrets her decision as she plunges over the cliff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terrible at writing sex scenes, just so you know. This will be sub-par at best and you have been warned.

"Hello, Deputy. You miss me?" John's voice shocked her out of her stunned state and he watched her start to walk backward, away from him, with a predatory look in his stunning blue eyes. No. No God this couldn't be happening. What had she ever done to deserve this? She watched him walk into the cabin, focused on the way his hand caressed the doorknob as he shut it behind him, saw the way his fingers closed over the latch and pushed the bar into place, sealing them in. He moved closer, tilting his head to the side ever so slightly as her back hit a wall. He was loving the way that her hands gripped onto the towel around her breasts, loving the way the water trickled down her arms, droplets darkening the floorboards. It reminded him of the baptism, reminded him of the pleasure he had felt in having her pressed up against him, struggling beneath the water's surface.

"Are you not going to answer me, Deputy? After I came all this way to see you," His voice was light, not betraying anything more than the poorly hidden lust that also shone through his eyes as he scanned her from head to toe and back again. She gulped, her thighs pressing together as he drew closer to her. She was beyond vulnerable right now, with only a thin white towel separating her from him. The thought both horrified her and left her core aching with need. Here he was, right in front of her, finally. "Oh, now don't tell me that we have the mute deputy all over again? I thought we finally worked you out of that shell of yours." He chuckled darkly as he continued to approach, less than a foot away from her now. She was blushing, the pale cream of her skin tinted scarlet. Her pupils were dilating, and her breath was already coming in uneven gasps as she took him in. 

He was the very model of physical perfection. From his slicked-back hair to his stupidly expensive shoes and everything in between. The way his shirt sleeves had been rolled back, exposing all of his tattoos to the world, showing his pride to her, showing the way his muscles moved just beneath the surface of the inked skin. The way the angry red scarring of the sin on his chest rose and fell with each breath he took. The obvious bulge in his too tight pants, promising more than she could have prepared herself for from their brief conversations over the radio. It was all almost too much for her but she did her best to hold her ground until she remembered what he had said to her on that first night of open flirting. 

'We both know that I bear my sins openly, perhaps it's time that you do the same'

That thought was all it took for her to agree, to launch herself out at him, startling him as her towel fell to the ground and her wet body pressed itself up against him, her lips crashing down into his own even as he fell back against the ground. A loud thump followed by a grunt of pain resounded off of the walls, drowned out by the crackling of the fireplace and the hammering of her heart in her chest as she straddled him, her knees pressing into the wooden flooring as she flicked her tongue out against his lips. 

John was stunned, one moment she had been like a mouse that had been cornered by a cat, and the next she was on him, her soft lips pushed up against his own, her wet hair clinging to her back, his arms. Everywhere there was damp skin, the droplets of water that he had focused on before were sinking into his clothes. Her tongue worked against his lips and for a moment he was too caught up in the surprise of it all to even move. But then she bit down on his lip and ground down against his clothed member and he gasped, giving her the in she had been looking for. She tasted like mint, the flavor overpowering his senses as her tongue snaked its way into his mouth. His lip stung, pulsing in time with his heart which was thrumming in his chest. His hands moved up to grip her hips, fingers digging into them as he tried to lift her up and off of him. Her moan caught him off guard, the sharp pain of his fingers against her hips sent a jolt of pleasure to her cunt but still, she didn't move. She knew that there would probably be bruises there in the morning but she didn't care. She finally had him here and it was already far too late to turn back now. 

"What's the matter, John?" She moaned into his ear as she shifted her mouth onto his neck instead of his lips, loving the way his body had stiffened under hers when she dug her teeth into his throat and laved the area with her tongue, the way drawing it up along his pulse had caused a shudder to run through him. "You said you'd help me bare my sins." She ground down against him again and he groaned out beneath her, his cock unbearably hard and straining against his jeans. "You said all I had to do was say it, John. And I did, I said it." She teased at his ear, teeth clinking against the piercing as her hands moved to start unbuttoning his vest and shirt, her nails occasionally catching on his skin and drawing a shiver from him. He tried to sit up, hands still pushing at her hips, unwilling to submit to her. 

"What did you say?" He all but panted out against her as her hands pushed his shoulders back down to the ground, her teeth nipping along his neck. John had come here expecting her to cave beneath his touch, not the other way around. But then again he also hadn't expected to catch her after a shower, or for her to pin him to the floor. He would never admit it but the fact that she had jumped him before he jumped her had done wonders for him. The fact that water was still dripping from her hair and soaking into his shirt, it was like he was back at the river's edge, with her squirming beneath him, and he was loving it. His mind was erasing the fantasies he had of her from that night and replacing them with this moment instead. His cock twitched beneath her, the head poking free from his underwear and pressing up against the denim of his jeans. The feeling was uncomfortable, to say the least, but her grinding against him had pushed it into a pleasurable pain the likes of which he had never felt before. 

"I said Yes." She said after pulling back from his ear and looking into his eyes. Ice met still waters for a moment, but once the words had left her mouth his presence shifted, waves formed and crashed into one another. He bucked up against her, pushing her further up onto her knees, her body shifting until her breasts were almost to his chin. His hands pressed harder against her now but instead of trying to push her away he was pulling her closer but only for a moment before he gathered up all of his strength and pushed her off of him. She landed at his side on the ground and for a moment she was worried that she had pushed him too far. Only for a moment. He stood up, towering over her, allowing his eyes to rake over her body, see the curve of her plump breasts rise and fall as she moved to sit herself up. She was at his mercy, and he wouldn't have it any other way. 

Her eyes snapped to his hands as he quickly unbuttoned his jeans, pushing them down just far enough to free his straining cock from its confines with a ragged moan. Her mouth watered as his member stood at attention between his legs, the slit leaking a bit of precum as her pupils blew wide at the sight, and her tongue darted out of her mouth to moisten her lips. 

"I'm sorry Deputy, I didn't quite hear that. What did you say?" He chuckled as he looked her over, his cock twitching as he saw her gaze glued to him, a sense of pride welling up alongside the lust. The Deputy, terror of the project, here and drooling over his meat. She moved forward, pressing up onto her hands and knees as she neared him, kneeling before him, and he nearly crumpled as her hand wrapped around his dick. She was cold like she had been on the night of the baptism when he had pushed her under the water and felt her little heart struggle as he denied her lungs the air they so desperately cried out for. He watched her through lust fogged eyes as her tongue darted out and lapped up the precum on his tip before she pressed forward and ran it along his entire length, tip flicking against the bottom of his head and hitting a particularly sensitive nerve which nearly made his knees buckle beneath him. Her eyes rose up to meet his face as she took his head into her mouth, tongue wrapping around the silken tip as a light moan escaped her. 

"Holy fuck Dep." He groaned out, head leaning back for a moment after she takes more of him in. Her tongue clung to the bottom of his shaft, and her warm mouth welcomed him. He couldn't resist staring at her as she worked on him, the pleasure was beyond anything he had experienced before, well, anything he had experienced while sober anyway. Ice and water mingled, as she met his gaze with her own, watching him intently as she stilled around him and hollowed out her cheeks. He nearly fell over as a moan of pleasure escaped him, quickly turning into a growl as she released the suction on him and took his entire length into her mouth. The head of his cock breached the beginning of her throat with a barely audible pop, and his hands were in her hair before she could pull back enough to breathe. He groaned, pulling her head away from him before he thrust back against her. Her eyes watered as he set a rough pace, spearing his meat into her throat and feeling the deliciously tight tunnel squeeze around him as her body struggled for the breath his cock was denying her. Her hands came up to grasp at his denim covered thighs, nails digging in. Her vision was starting to fade, the colors leeching from her surroundings when he finally pulled himself free. She gulped in as much air as she could, falling to the side as she watched him through her tears. His cock was twitching, and his hands were clenched, muscles bulging beneath the painted skin. His eyes were closed, and his jaw was stiff. 

A moment later his eyes snapped open, and then he was on her, pushing her back against the floor. She nearly yelped as he gripped onto her legs and all but ripped them apart, making room for himself between her thighs but her sounds were drowned out by his lips crashing down on hers, his tongue pushing past them and exploring her mouth with an expertise she had not expected. She moaned into him, hands going up to his abdomen, nails raking along what little of his exposed flesh that she could reach past the shirt and vest that, while open, were still very much on his body. 

"Your mouth was almost too good Deputy. I didn't know that you had training in anything that didn't involve bullets." He growled out against her ear after pulling back away from her mouth. Before she could even respond his fingers found her entrance, one pushing in and drawing a mewl of pleasure from her. Her channel was slick, and tight even against his single digit and it brought him no small amount of pleasure to know that she was this wet for him. "Oh. You're tight Dep. Don't get a lot of action while you're out there killing my men do you?" He chuckled as he watched the blush on her cheeks darken. He was certain that if his finger wasn't buried in her at that moment that she would be fighting back against him for that but as it stood he couldn't care less. Her smell was intoxicating, citrus, wood, pine needles, and salt. It encompassed him, drew him further into her spell. His pupils widened, dilating just as hers had when she had finally given in to the sin. He lowered his head to her throat, mouthing over an area and enjoying the feeling of her shifting her head over, giving him the space he needed to do what he had wanted. He dug his teeth into her, biting down with enough strength to bruise her supple white flesh. The moan it drew from her was all he needed to spur him on, biting down harder and harder until he tasted copper as his teeth finally broke through her skin. She was squirming against him, hips bucking up against his hand as he sunk another finger deep into her. Her cunt was starting to quiver against him and he could tell that she was close. Raising his head up he watched her face, saw her eyes closed as her head lolled back against the floorboards, her mouth open as he drew moan after moan from her swollen lips. John smirked and pulled his fingers free, leaving her empty. He watched her eyes snap open, heard her whine as he denied her the orgasm she had been so readily seeking. 

"Why did you stop?" She breathes out, her brows furrowed as she looks him over, gaze dropping down towards his hand which was still hovering over her mound, fingers slick with her juices. Thick black lashes framed her eyes and he was momentarily transfixed, she was gorgeous. Pale creamy white skin, long black hair clinging to the floor, her neck, her cheeks. Blood leaking down her neck and onto the floor beneath him in small drops, crimson-painted snow. Eyes so bright he could swear that he was looking into the sky. It only took him a moment to decide on what he was going to do and when he finally settled on that thought a smile pulled at the edges of his lips. She would be more than just a quick fuck, he was going to convert her however he had to. 

"You want to cum, Deputy? You want to feel that release?" He purred out to her as he moved his hand to his cock, stroking it and feeling the slip of her juices coat his throbbing length. She bit her lip and nodded, trying to push herself up onto her elbows to watch him but he released his member, and moved his hand to her shoulder, pushing her down as he pressed himself forward a bit. She could feel his cock slide against her lips as he slowly thrust his hips against her. It was torture, being so close to what she had literally been dreaming about for weeks now and still being denied it. She closed her eyes and whined out, but his hand grabbed onto her chin and forced her to look at him. "Do you want it, Deputy? I want to hear you say it." He practically growled out at her and she shook beneath him, mouth dropping open as she released the breath she hadn't even been aware that she had been holding, she nods again and his fingers close tighter around her jaw, keeping her still. 

"Yes. Please. I want it." She whispers, brows furrowing as he pushes himself even closer, his tip pressing up against her entrance but not yet breaching her. She was so close to getting what she wanted, so damn close but he still held himself at bay. That fucker.

"Again." He commanded, keeping his eyes on hers as he waited. "Tell me what you want Deputy." John was becoming impatient, try as he might to hold himself back he was still a man, he knew he wouldn't be able to hold out forever. But by God did he want to hear her say it again. The word was so perfect on her lips, borderline sinful. 

"Yes. I want you in me, John. I want you to fuck me, I want to feel all of you. Just please, please, let me cum. Take me there John." She all but cried out, and his pleased grunt was the only thing she heard before her body was breached. In one swift movement, John had buried himself in her to the hilt. He was so much bigger than the last man she had bedded and her body almost felt like it was ripping apart at the seams, in the most pleasurable way. He hadn't started to move yet, barely keeping himself still as her cunt clenched around him. He couldn't tell if she was a virgin or if she was just out of practice but he didn't care, she felt amazing. If his previous thoughts about her before hadn't given him enough reason to want to convert her this feeling had more than made that clear. She was going to be his, and he would be sure of it. He'd mark her as his own, but first... He slowly shifted, the hand that was on her chin dropping down to the floor beside her head as he began to pull out of her. She was so tight, almost sucking him back in, fighting him even while submitting to him. He closed his eyes and pushed back in slowly, his cock was being caressed by a vice and it was wonderful. 

"Tell me how you want it." He groaned out while he slowly increased the pace, and she was almost too caught up in the bliss of it all to respond. Her head lulling back, eyes nearly rolled up into the back of her head as her back arched slightly with each thrust. Her hands gripped onto his shirt, his vest, anything they could reach to ground her into this reality. And before she could even register what she was doing she had pulled him down, closer to her, lips catching his as her legs wrapped around his hips and pulled him in closer. 

She had given him his answer without even speaking, she wanted him deeper, and he obliged happily, pounding into her slick cunt roughly and drawing a cry of pleasure from her which he drank in and relished. He would be the only one to make her scream this way, he'd make sure of that, John didn't like to share his toys. Her hands reached up to his chest, fingers splaying out over the toned muscles, sliding along the sins carved into his skin as they made their way to his back. Beneath the layers he was hot to the touch, the physical exertion clear from the thin layer of sweat that clung to him. Her fingers pressed against upraised lines that seemed to crisscross his back and before she could explore them his eyes snapped to hers, anger clear in the blue depths, warning her, steering her away from the curiosity that was now bubbling up inside of her. She wanted to see what he looked like beneath all of the clothes. See all that he had to offer. 

"Oh, John..." She moaned out to him, hands falling from his back and returning to his sides. He looked down at her, his breath catching in his throat as his eyes met hers again and saw the blush coating her cheeks. "Take these off John," she moaned out, fingers tugging at the edges of his vest and shirt, "I want to feel all of you." His thrusts faltered for a moment as he took in what she said but then picked back up in intensity as he shifted himself, changing the angle of his thrusts. She screamed out under him, her thighs clenching around him as he hit her sweet spot over and over again, her head was swimming and she forgot her earlier request almost immediately. He didn't fail to catch on, a smirk pulling at his lips as he sped up, waiting until he felt her body start to shake beneath him and her moans had almost turned into screams of pleasure. And then he stopped. Watching her reaction as she stared up at him with a mixture of anger and frustration on her face as her eyes asked him why he had stopped before she could come to her end. 

With a chuckle he leaned up, still buried deep within her and loving the way she whined out in protest, the way her eyes burned into him like fire as he slowly shrugged the shirt off of his arms, baring his chest to her. He was all lean muscle and scars. The sin of Sloth carved into his chest and slashed out was not the only one that adorned his flesh. Greed, gluttony, and pride were all that she could see. Her gaze lingered on the way the words were etched into his ribcage, the book of his life opened to the first page before her. 

She didn't have long to admire him before he pulled her legs up and hooked them over his shoulders. She was confused, she had never really been one to try out different positions, not by her own choice but rather by her partner's choices. It turns out that the options were rather limited when your bedfellows only knew missionary. But as he pressed back down on her and began to thrust into her again she understood. He was hitting her so deeply that she could almost feel him crash up against her cervix with every thrust and past the minor pain, it was pure pleasure. She cried out, her cunt tightening against him as he pounded into her. His cock was throbbing now, and he was grunting with every thrust into her weeping slit. He was lost in her. The way she tightened against him, the way her breasts bounced against her chest with every forceful thrust. The wild look she got in her eyes as she dug her nails into his arms and damn near screamed her pleasure out as he took her. She was fucking perfect. His hands dug into the floorboards by her head as he looked her in the eye while he took her, his balls slapping against her ass as her cunt readily sucked him back in with every thrust. His cock was twitching and he could feel the coil in his gut start to wind up faster and faster. He wouldn't last long like this, but he wanted to make her finish first, he wanted to hear her scream his name.

"God Dep, you feel so good..." He groaned out as he slowed his thrusts into her, releasing one of her legs and letting it fall back down to the ground beside his hips. She cried out at the shift in position, eyes squeezed shut as she focused on his cock spearing her, the way the bulge of his head rubbed against her entrance whenever he pulled all the way out only to plunge himself back in. He filled her so perfectly she was afraid that she might never feel this good with another man. Maybe psychopaths did have their uses. His thrusts gradually slowed, drawing a whine of protest from her when he finally fully stilled within her, dropping her other leg and leaning over her. His head was hanging low, eyes shut, mouth open. His hair was hanging loosely around his face as he breathed in deeply and she barely registered the fact that he was shaking past her own keening whines. She was so damn close to finishing, he couldn't just stop again! She moved, trying to push herself up on his cock and being met with a sharp thrust as he used his hips to pin hers in place, eyes locking together as a smirk began tugging at the edges of his lips. 

"Impatient one aren't you Deputy?" He asks, accentuating every syllable of her title with a shallow thrust that sent her mind reeling. She nodded, looking up at him as he began to slowly push into her as much as he could with his hips pressed firmly into hers. God, but he felt fantastic. He lowers his mouth to hers, kissing her softly but with enough fervor to have her begging for more when he pulls away and whispers against her lips. "Do you want to finish Dep?" She shivers and nods again and he thrusts into her roughly a few times before stopping and resuming his languid pace. "You know what I want to hear." He whispers out, poking his tongue out to lick at her bottom lip before snatching it up between his teeth and giving it a quick nip. She moans at the feeling and he can't help but buck his hips up into her, causing her back to raise up off of the ground by a hair. "Say it, Deputy." He calls out with a bit more force, repeating the action and feeling her body clench around him. He snaps his hips up against her once more, yelling "SAY IT!" Right in front of her face, and he'd be lying if he said that the feeling of her jerking beneath him wasn't glorious. 

"Yes!" She calls out in shock, "Yes John! Is that what you want to hear?!" She nearly screams at him as the initial fear passed and anger took its place. She looked up at him, expecting to see his face twisted in a rage that she had actually talked back to him but the wide smile on his lips told another story. He had liked it and that knowledge made a shiver run down her spine. He leaned his forehead down to hers and took in a deep breath before he lifted his hips off of hers and gave her a long and deep thrust that had her crying out. He did it again, and again, over and over until she finally screamed out his name and he closed his eyes and groaned. It sounded so perfect falling from her lips. Oh yes, he was going to have some fun with her. 

"That's what I want Dep. Scream for me." John all but growled into her ear as he dipped his head back to her throat, teeth nipping at the side that he hadn't bloodied earlier as he picked up his pace again. Her moans and the slick sounds of their bodies crashing up against one another filled the cabin, the fire beginning to die down. But still it wasn't enough, he wasn't satisfied, he wanted her to scream it out. 

His thrusts were becoming more and more erratic as time went on, and she could feel the way his body was beginning to shake as her nails dug into his back. She knew that he was close, and she was too, but she wasn't quite at the edge yet, but she knew how to get herself there. She dropped one hand off of his back and snaked it between their bodies, the pad of her index finger quickly finding her bud and running around it in slow circles for a moment before adding in a second. Her head dropped back against the floorboards and she moaned out as she bucked her hips up a bit, the feeling of him pounding away into her combined with her fingers on her clit was pure fucking bliss. 

He watched her hands for a moment, leaning back a bit further so he could see her pleasure herself as well as see his thick cock part her folds with every thrust. His faltered and slowed down, he was not going to be able to last, it had simply been too long and she was still so tight around him, barely allowing him enough room to move. She sped up her movements, her hand quickly bringing her towards her end as she continued bucking her hips up onto him and accepting his cock with every thrust he made. John was having far too much fun watching her get herself off, but he wanted to be the one to push her over, call it selfish but he prided himself in his ability to get a girl off, the Deputy would be no exception. So he shifted back, putting more of his weight on his knees before he wrapped his hand around her wrist and pulled her hand away from her folds. She whimpered and keened as he did so and her plump lips turned down at the edges in a frown which set his blood on fire. Fuck she could probably bring him to his end with nothing more than a look, but what fun would that be when he could just bury himself into her and spear away with abandon? 

A small thought plagued the back of his mind 'This is a sin. Joseph won't be pleased to know that you caved. Again. You are weak.' And for a moment he stills within her, a panic setting in that he had been wholly unprepared for. 

"John, please." She cried out to him, she was so close she just really wanted him to let her finish, she had already had enough with his teasing, his edging, and she just wanted it to end. His eyes shifted down to her and there was a strange look in his gaze, it was almost like he was fearful for a moment, but the look was quickly overtaken by lust tinted anger as he leaned back over her and started pounding into her full force. The way his hips snapped up against her was almost as painful as it was pleasurable, but what really did it for her was the way his hand had released her wrist and made itself a new home around her throat. She screamed when he changed the angle of his thrusts again, hitting her G-spot repeatedly and he very quickly had her chanting out his name, not caring if anyone could hear them. 

How could this be a sin? How could this kind of pleasure condemn you to hell? If God didn't want him to ravage her body why did he make it feel so damn good? John didn't know, but he also didn't care. Jacob could call him weak, Joseph could look at him with those sad eyes he got every time he learned of his younger brother's failure, hell, Faith could even chime in with her bliss bullshit about how he won't need sex anymore if he walks the path. He didn't care, all that mattered was the way her walls fluttered around his cock, the way his name fell from her lips like a prayer. John was coming closer and closer to his end everytime their hips met, but the thought still plagued him, something was off. Her hands raised up to his wrist, wrapping around it and her cunt squeezed against him as he tightened his fingers around her throat in response. Her heart thrummed beneath his fingertips, beating wildly as though it was trying to break out through her skin. It was just like the night by the riverside, like the baptism. 

"God... I should have taken you right there by the river." He groaned out, voice hoarse and gravelly from the exertion. He tightened his hold again, felt her heart beat faster and faster as his cock speared her, felt her body begin to quiver beneath him. She was enjoying this, and God but so was he. "With everyone watching." He continued and watched as her eyes rolled back into her head for a moment. He was fully choking her now, not a slight denial of air, but she was unable to breathe at all, and it brought the pleasure and pain she was experiencing to new heights. 

"I should have fucked the sin out of you." He groaned out and then released her throat altogether. Her body reacted to the oxygen instantaneously, cunt locking up around him as she finally plunged over the edge. She was shaking violently, breath coming in sharp gasps as her nails dug into his wrist and drew little beads of blood. She screamed out his name and only vaguely felt him lose himself in her, warmth coating every inch of her as he shot stream after stream of his pleasure deep inside of her. She heard him let loose a stream of expletives as he came to his end, but it was almost as if she was listening to him through a door, her vision was foggy, and it seemed like it took hours for her body to finally bring itself down out of the clouds. After a few minutes of riding the waves of pleasure that her orgasm had brought on John's cock had finally gone soft, and he slowly pulled the sensitive organ out of her, watching with satisfaction as his cum leaked out around him. White tinted pink, perhaps he had gone a little too hard on her, or maybe he had broken her cherry, either way, he was satisfied and that's all that mattered to him at this moment. 

"God what I wouldn't give for a shot of something strong right about now." She groaned out, throwing an arm over her eyes as she felt him settle down to the ground beside her, his skin sticky with perspiration even as he pulled her closer. She had never figured that John would be the cuddly type, had always assumed that he would be the fuck and run kind of guy. The pretty ones always were. His deep chuckle drew her out of that thought, and as she moved her arm away she could feel his beard tickle at the edge of her collarbone just before his lips were on her neck. He kissed along her pulse, along the slight bruise that was forming on her again, replacing the dark purple marks that had faded with time after their last encounter. She shivered at the feeling but didn't stop him, in truth she was rather pleased with how affectionate he was being at the moment, though a small part of her told her to get up and run. She knew that this wasn't a smart idea, to be naked next to the man that was trying to capture her, next to the man that she was meant to kill. Then again it wasn't a particularly smart idea to have his seed dripping out of her either, she'd be lucky if she didn't get pregnant from this whole ordeal, and over the moon if he hadn't given her some kind of disease.

Disease.

Fuck, that was one thing that she hadn't even thought about before all of this, John Seed was a notorious Fuckboy. He had probably slept with more people than she had ever known and that thought was terrifying. Leave it to the Rookie to fuck the enemy, risk an unwanted pregnancy in a time of civil war, AND possibly catch an STD all at the same time. Tally up another mark for her because at this point she hasn't just been hit in the head with a brick, she's running head first into a wall of them. Repeatedly. 

"John?" She quietly asked, propping herself up on her elbows as much as she could to try to get a better look at him after he finally released her neck. He was stunning, laying there in the dying firelight, his lips were red and puffy, the bottom one still had a little red mark where she had nipped at him earlier. His hair was in disarray and his body was covered in sweat, but his eyes shone so bright, and the flush that coated his cheeks and chest was honestly one of the most attractive things she had ever seen. This man was going to kill her. She knew now that the lust she had been feeling before had only been part of the issue. She was actually attracted to this sadistic fucker, and that spoke to everything that was wrong with her. Her attraction to him was going to get her killed, it was going to fuck up everything she was doing out here, and the thought scared her. More than anything else, she was scared that she could see herself caving to him again so easily.

"Mmm?" He hummed out his question to her as he pulled her back down and closer into him, her hip came into contact with his cock, their combined juices sliding against her skin as he wrapped her up against him. She cringed at the feeling but pushed the disgust aside as she tried to remain focused on her original thoughts.

"Are you clean?" She asked him as she moved her gaze up to the ceiling, not wanting to look at him as she questioned his health, not wanting to see the realization of what her question meant spark to life in his eyes. He leaned up, fully propping himself up on one elbow as he looked her over. His eyes flickered like blue fire, threatening to melt her, but it was his chuckle that threw her off guard. He leaned down and gave her a slow kiss that she responded to immediately, much to his pleasure. 

"Yes." He said as he mouthed her lips, his beard scratching at her chin in a pleasantly uncomfortable way. His free hand ran along her side, the tips of his nails tracing red trails across her body. "You didn't catch anything from me." He continued on, moving his mouth back to her neck as his hand reached her thigh and began to trail back up. His fingers reached her abused slit and she whined out as he traced a quick circle around her clit with his index finger before dragging it up her abdomen. She hated to admit it to herself but it felt fantastic, she had never had a lover who had ever stuck around after the deed was done, none that had ever actually gotten her to her end before they had cum themselves and given up either. But in the end, this was still John Seed. Still the man that had her shot with bliss tipped bullets and had nearly drowned her in the frigid river. 

She had been enjoying the feeling of his fingers tracing little lines along her skin when she felt something cold pour onto her side, felt the stinging touch of it as it seemed to seep through her skin. She pulled away from him, looking down at herself and seeing the lingering traces of a green liquid leaving trails down her hip. Saw the red crescents of nail marks that had bitten through her skin. Saw the fluffy white specks begin to litter her vision, again. 

Bliss.

"John...?" She squeaked out, feeling her muscles begin to fail on her as her elbows caved beneath her and she fell back to the floor. He smirked at her, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he dropped back down to press his lips to her own for a moment. 

"Shh shh shh Deputy... Just sleep, I'll take care of you." His voice wrapped around her, and she wanted to run but she couldn't find the strength to fight against the darkness closing in. He grinned, flashing his pearly whites to her as she slipped away and she heard his deep chuckling echo through the cabin as her world turned black and she fell into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I forget to mention that this entire work has not been beta read? Because it hasn't. We'll all suffer for that here.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this one isn't very good. Actually, I don't expect any of them to be. I hope I kept John in the realm of believability. If anyone has any suggestions on how to improve please do let me know. I'll be doing my best to work on it during the next chapter.


End file.
